meh

I am tired. And feeling really stuck. Oh, and weepy too. It's really super fun.

The thing is, I'm working on getting unstuck, I really am, but I am not yet feeling like I'm getting much traction. And the longer I feel like I'm not moving forward the easier it becomes to just let myself slide back into the deep dark hole that I know is waiting.

But I am trying to be patient and let things 'process'. I seriously hate that. Process. Stupid talking about your feelings. I hate feelings. Argh!

Anyway, to move on from the less than witty anti-feeling diatribe, I had kind of an interesting experience with looking at what my 'core values' were and what my... I guess I shall call them 'anti-values' were. The core values were ten things that I picked out of a list of perhaps 50 different values that were the things I can't live without. The anti-values were like the 'I hate that guy' of values. You don't like them and people who hold those values highly make you mad.

So. There I was with my pretty lists. Good things/Not so good things.

The next part wasn't as easy. I then had to write down my definition for each of the values (both sets - good and anti-good) and then how much of that value there was or wasn't in my life currently. This seemed a lot easier to do before I sat down to do it. But I made a little chart and filled in all the boxes and the strangest thing became clear. In the current life I lead, rather than having too much of the anti-values kicking around making me upset, I don't have enough of the good values. This perhaps would have been obvious to some but it kind of caught me by surprise.